Why Your Dog Doesn’t Settle at Home — And How to Teach Calmness Properly

If you’ve ever wondered why your dog paces around the living room, stares at you during the evening, keeps getting up from their bed, or seems unable to switch off even after a long walk… you’re not alone.

Many dogs struggle with “settling,” and it has very little to do with how tired they are — and far more to do with how their brain and body handle arousal, environment, and expectation.

Let’s explore why so many dogs find calmness difficult, and how you can teach your dog to truly relax at home.

Why Dogs Struggle to Settle (It’s Not Bad Behaviour)

A dog who can’t switch off isn’t being naughty. They’re usually:

1 - Too stimulated

Walks full of ball throwing, excitement, or endless sniffing can actually increase arousal levels rather than reduce them.

2 -Struggling with inactivity

Some dogs — especially spaniels, collies, and working breeds — haven’t learnt the skill of switching off.

Calmness is a trained behaviour, not something all dogs just “know.”

3 - Waiting for the next cue

If dogs receive attention every time they move, nudge, paw, or stare, they learn that being busy works. Stillness feels confusing.

4 - Overwhelmed by the environment

Noise, family movement, visitors, kids, the TV — all can keep a dog on alert.

5 - Missing the foundation skills

Settle training, mat work, and calmness building aren’t “obedience” tasks — they’re emotional skills.

Without them, dogs default to pacing, fidgeting, or constantly checking in.

The Science Bit: Calmness Lives in the Nervous System

A dog’s ability to settle isn’t just training — it’s physiology.

Dogs who are often “on the go” spend more time in a high-arousal state (sympathetic nervous system).

To settle, they need to access their parasympathetic system — the one responsible for rest, digestion, and relaxation.

Teaching calmness is really about helping your dog:

• Lower their arousal

• Feel safe enough to relax

• Understand that quiet behaviour is reinforcing

• Build healthy emotional habits

This is why shouting “settle!” never works — the dog doesn’t have the emotional skill yet.

So How Do You Teach a Dog to Settle?

Here are the steps I teach owners in my sessions — simple, practical, and effective.

1 - Create a predictable relaxation space

Give your dog:

• A comfy bed or mat

• Away from foot traffic

• No toys (to avoid stimulation)

• A place they can learn means “down time”

2 -Reinforce calmness, not excitement

Quiet behaviour should be rewarding.

If your dog:

• lies down,

• sighs,

• blinks slow,

• curls up,

• or even looks slightly calmer…

Mark it (“yes”) and pop a treat on the bed without fuss.

You’re teaching the dog:

Calm earns attention. Excitement doesn’t.

3 - Use low stimulation activities

Chews, lick mats, sniff boxes — these help dogs decompress rather than wind up.

This helps shift them from hyper-focus to soft engagement.

4 - Stop over-exercising

This surprises people, but it’s true:

Tired and wired is a real thing. Too much exercise = too much adrenaline.

Working breeds especially don’t magically “run off energy.”

They learn stamina, but not calmness.

5 - Teach a cue to relax

I always teach a mat settle or go to bed cue using reward-based training.

This gives your dog clarity:

“This is your quiet time now.”

6 - Be consistent with household routines

If every evening looks different, the dog doesn’t learn a predictable pattern.

Build routine:

• Walk → settle

• Dinner → settle

• Family time → settle

Dogs thrive on rhythm.

What Not To Do

These common mistakes accidentally make things worse:

• Ball throwing every day

• Playing when the dog is pestering

• Responding to pacing with fuss or food

• Letting the dog rehearse overarousal

• Using punishment or shouting (increases stress hormones)

Calmness can’t be forced. It must be taught and reinforced.

What a “Settled” Dog Looks Like

A dog who has learnt calmness will:

• Relax on their bed without constant supervision

• Rest for long periods

• Respond calmly to normal household activity

• Switch off even after stimulation

• Show softer facial expressions and breathing

• Choose to settle even when not told

This doesn’t happen overnight — but with consistency, any breed can master it.

Final Thoughts

If your dog struggles to settle, it’s not a failure or a flaw — it’s simply a skill they haven’t learnt yet.

With the right foundations, calm handling, and predictable routines, your dog can develop:

• better emotional regulation

• a calmer household presence

• and healthier long-term wellbeing

Working on calmness often changes a dog’s whole outlook — and the difference it makes to daily life is incredible.

Need Help Teaching Calmness?

If you’d like support teaching your dog to settle, especially if you own a working breed or a dog with high arousal levels, I offer 1-to-1 training sessions tailored to your dog’s needs.

Just get in touch — I’m here to help you build a calmer, happier dog.